Recipe for "Special Dessert for Mama"
by Troy

1/2 cup of flour
1/4 cup baking powder
1 snack pack of blueberry applesauce (that will look really cool coagulating on the baking powder)
5-6 bbq potato chips
several hot pepper rings
garlic powder
peanuts

served in a bowl with a large serving spoon. mmmm.....

Working in the legal field does have its occasional bits of entertainment:
For those of you who had not figured out yet the people in Florida suffer from too much sun, the Florida Governor has signed into law the Preservation and Protection of the Right to Keep and Bear Arms in Motor Vehicles Act of 2008, which allows employees to take their guns to work, provided they keep them locked in their cars. As one of the proponents actually said, an enraged employee who leaves work to get his gun will be provided enough "cooling off" time by having to walk (or run) to his car and then wait to unlock it.

Really.

Yesterday was a pretty bad day. I was feeling disappointed with myself, disappointed with people close to me, disappointed with God. The disappointment came when I became consumed with my own ideas of what these relationships should be in growth and bearing fruit. My love for people turned into an overwhelming burden of responsibility for people. I felt very alone and God wasn't much help...well, wasn't much help because I didn't want him to be. I wallowed in this self-pity for a large portion of the day, giving into my weakness to allow my self-judgment to take control of my thoughts and behaviors.
A few weeks ago I asked a trusted source if "bitch slapping" is an appropriate method of pastoral care, and they assured me it is. I'm further convinced that it is because God does it. On my way to pick up the kids after work, J.S. Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 came on the radio. I loved this when I was young and I haven't heard it in years. I used to spend hours in my room conducting its performance by the "Vienna Philharmonic." I felt like I was 11 again, except that I didn't have to stretch too far to feel that way.
I have a friend who has repeatedly needed to remind me not to take myself too seriously...finding myself conducting an imaginary orchestra in my car, and having that feel like a perfectly normal thing to do because I did it when I was 11, reminded me yet again not to take myself too seriously. No matter the life calling, disappointing relationships, responsibilities, I'm still just a girl with high hopes and little confidence who God needs to bitch-slap every once in a while...and though the disappointment I was feeling was real, I needed that reminder so that I could let go of some of the burden and let God work with the disappointment.

I know it's been a while. Life has gotten in the way of my attempts at this thing. Though I have a few posts in the works, I wanted to throw this on here while it was fresh on my mind. Since my divorce has been filed, and I've thought seriously about the idea of love in all of it's forms, this little poem keeps coming back to me...it was in the cover of a cassette tape I owned of Margaret Becker years ago (I don't know if she's even still around):
There is a moment in time when the knowledge of love and the experience of love precariously meet to form one brilliant point of rest for the soul. From this place, every direction is the same—backwards…forwards…all indelibly marked with the peace that comes when it is finally understood that nothing can shake you from the firm grip of love’s hand.

Sunday afternoon: Gavin intently watching a football game trying to figure out exactly what it takes to be the best football player in history, and how he could use his jedi powers to help achieve that goal....Troy standing on the couch in nothing but shrek underwear and a cape made out of some blanket material playing a guitar that looks a lot like a spatula...to the Rolling Stones album Let it Bleed...beautiful.

Troy's been sick and even though his nose isn't really running like crazy, he has the stuffed up nose voice and it's the cutest thing, especially when he says "actually mama" to me (a signature phrase)...what's more is that Gavin has been so sweet and patient with him. I'm sure they will be back to their normal roles in no time- Troy climbing to the top of the couch and jumping on Gavin, Gavin acting very rational in his response to reason with Troy why it's not a good idea, and both of them settling the dispute with a good old fashioned wrestling match, like only brothers can. For now, though, I'm enjoying my plugged-nose toddler and his sweet-natured big brother.

My dad was an incredible man. He truly loved everyone he encountered, even those he didn't like...I've never seen a better example of a Christian than my dad...and I thought this way even before he died. But the thing that made him truly amazing was what I learned about him after his death. I was able to gain some insight into his real and difficult spiritual struggles, his despair and compassion for human brokenness, his passion for the gospel and spreading its message, and how he actively and aggressively dealt with all these things every day. At his calling hours, what stood out to me was the amount of people there who we had never even heard of. And these weren't just individuals who had known him or known of him, but these were people who he was in constant communication with because they had been struggling with something- from drugs to terminal illness, he seeked these people out because of their need for God's love....and he never told anyone about it. They didn't go to our church; in fact some were people he had met once and just stayed in contact with. How true a reflection of Christ, submissive and quiet, and constantly motivated by love...